Hey! Come talk to me! :)
Kidnapper:Get in the fukin van
Me:Oh ok cool
Kidnapper:Wut
Me:This is a febreze commercial right
Kidnapper:Wut
Me:Smells pretty shitty in here to me tbh
Notes
53055
Posted
1 hour ago

shercockandmycrotch:

ctwolstenbeast:

in norway we don’t say “i love you” we say “jeg elsker deg” which translates to “i love you” i think that’s very beautiful 

imageimage

(Source: captinsoldier, via speakofthedevil312)

Notes
62791
Posted
1 hour ago
windwolf0097:

dirtylittledamsel:

this is more dramatic than a Lana Del Rey music video

windwolf0097:

dirtylittledamsel:

this is more dramatic than a Lana Del Rey music video

(via brrigittaa)

Notes
353032
Posted
1 hour ago

creepy-princess:

imnotjustanybody604:

cntqueen:

this person probably has to study for finals

why does no one think he ruined the display, and the before pic is the after, and the after the before

Have you ever been to Walmart before?

(Source: steve-rogers-is-a-punk-rocker, via misbehavedwolf)

Notes
638433
Posted
1 hour ago

ami-angelwings:

nonexistentially:

*SHOTS FIRED*

A feminist just changed your crappy joke into a much better one.

(via distinctmemory)

Notes
306164
Posted
3 hours ago
autobahnvismarck:

perstephsanscouronne:

becausebirds:

Our visitor sure is enthusiastic!

This is all about the llama staring at you meaningfully through the rearview mirror.

The ostrich is just a distraction for the murder that llama will perform

autobahnvismarck:

perstephsanscouronne:

becausebirds:

Our visitor sure is enthusiastic!

This is all about the llama staring at you meaningfully through the rearview mirror.

The ostrich is just a distraction for the murder that llama will perform

(via angels-have-the-tardis)

Notes
88491
Posted
4 hours ago

tentarude:

troncats:

sorry:

I read an article the other day that said, “if you drink every day you are an alcoholic.” Thank god I only drink every night

why do text posts these days sound like they are quotes from a 40 year old mother’s facebook

image

(Source: sorry, via angels-have-the-tardis)

Notes
273177
Posted
4 hours ago

thespacegoat:

• Accidentally close a tab? Ctrl+Shift+T reopens it.
• Bananas release dopamine, eat them when you’re sad.
• CTRL+SHIFT+ESC is the one handed version of CTRL+ALT+DEL
• Don’t brush your teeth hard, it makes them sensitive and removes enamel.
• Don’t like spiders? Put citronella oil on your walls and they will not go there.
• Drink one glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have, you’ll get drunk without getting a hangover.
• Get clear ice cubes by boiling water before freezing it
• Heal paper cuts and immediately stop the pain with chapstick.
• If you accidentally write on your dry erase board with a permanent marker, scribble over it with a dry eraser marker to remove it.
• If your shoes smell, put them in the freezer overnight, it will kill the bacteria. 
• Make bug bites stop itching with a banana peel.
• Make a paper longer with 12-point text, but 14-point periods and commas.
• Need to get around a blocked website at work? Try replacing the http:// with https://
• Never send your resume as a word file (unless asked) Instead, print it to a pdf file, it’s much cleaner and professional looking.
• Pick a flavor of gum you don’t normally chew, and chew it while studying during a test.
• Place a piece of bread in a container with your homemade cookies and  they will stay soft.
• Put a dry towel into a dryer with wet clothes, they will dry faster.
• Put toothpaste on a pimple and cover it with a bandaid overnight. It will dry out.
• Practice fake smiling in the mirror every day before going to work/school, you’ll genuinely start to feel happier.
• Rub canola/olive oil on knives before cutting onions, you won’t cry, alternatively chew gum and you won’t either.
• Short on time with a wrinkled dress shirt? Hang it up in the bathroom to steam it flat.
• The night before, place things you don’t want to forget the next morning on top of your shoes.
• Use hydrogen peroxide to remove blood stains from clothing.
• When cleaning windows use newspapers or coffee filters instead of paper towels, they will not leave streaks.
• When microwaving bread products/pizza put a glass of water in with it, it will keep your bread for going spongy.
• When you move into a new place you’re renting, take pictures of any and all damage, then post them on facebook (privately if preferred) so you can use the reference date as proof you didn’t do it.
• When searching plane tickets online delete your cookies prior, prices go up when you visit a site multiple times. 

(via 50-shades-of-fandom)

Notes
687634
Posted
4 hours ago
scandalousadventures:

This line in my textbook makes it almost worth the $160 I spent on it

scandalousadventures:

This line in my textbook makes it almost worth the $160 I spent on it

(via zerodollarsandnosense)

Notes
80755
Posted
4 hours ago
TotallyLayouts has Tumblr Themes, Twitter Backgrounds, Facebook Covers, Tumblr Music Player and Tumblr Follower Counter